Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
Oddly enough when I decided to stop whoreing myself out... I lost most of my companionship.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
I have a vagina. So i automatically win.
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