so this rather large man keeps buying us drinks.......then he licked my face....i dont really care though because the drinks are good. Is this bad?
he just flicked a booger into my mouth and shouted "goaaaal!"
i just looked at the calendar to see when spring break is and literally stopped eating
So tasty. Tasty like a vagina with ninjas in it
I'm so proud of your ability to turn my Charlie horse last night into anal sex.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
I want a coyote to ride back and forth to the bathroom because walking is getting old
I feel like I just gave a blowjob to a freight train.
Can we talk about the fact that I plucked weed off your ass this morning like it's a normal thing to do?
There is is 40 year old penis staring me in the face right now if there was ever a time to be a good friend its right now.
it's not like I want to die, I just want life to stop for a little bit. how does that work?
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
I have never been that aroused while laughing my ass off in my life
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
Randomize
