I asked her if she watches the office. She said no, but do you watch I'm a celebrity get me outa here? That's when i knew. Deal breaker
this morning my mom told me to get a new vibrator because mine was too loud last night
i fell asleep watchin iron chef that was the blender she heard. i dont even own a vibrator
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
I love watching others lives come down to our level.
I don't know what's more sad having a rewards account at a liquor store or already racking up 273 dollar points since january
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Caught in the act of lying. Lipstick literally all over his dick. He tried to make some story about darkwing duck or some shit but failed to realize he is a complete moron.
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
I just want to like rub my face on his abs
I need help
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
YOU HAVE PISSED AND FUCKED ON LITERALLY EVERYTHING IN MY HOUSE
Not everything, just a few things. And only a few times. The odds are really not all that bad when you break it down.
you’ve pissed every time you slept over. there’s no such thing as odds anymore. it’s guaranteed
You need to stop showing people the things i drunk-text to you... i have a reputation to uphold here
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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