Whats up?
Drunk as a mother trucker with panties on her thumbnail..laying thee down
Stay up. I'm coming home in a little
Ill try..hurry!!!! Thine hour awaits you
I'm sorry I didn't make it out, I got distracted by sparkley boobies.
She referred to her collection of sex toys as an "arsenal." I'm not sure whether to be scared or excited....
Oh btw I learned how to say "my penis is a flamethrower" in German. Tonights gonna be fun
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
it's like his dick is making a u-turn.
She's been drunk for three days now
Like three straight days. 72 hours
She's been covered in glitter for the last two and somehow she found a monkey
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
like i got into his car and the beatles were playing. this kid is def getting his dick sucked
Remind me to tell you the story of the fuzzy condom
Just woke up. Will be over soon. DON'T LEAVE THE CHAMPAGNE UNSUPERVISED.
They're giving you narcotics aren't they?
If I offered to share would you come visit me?
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize
