you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
just woke up with a thong on my face, dont remember going home with anyone and its way too big for it to be a good thing
im just laying here pukin in my mouth and swallowing it 'cause im WAY too lazy to actually get up and find a place to vomit. this is my life now.
Not sure why, but I was running back and forth across the road. Cab hit me and gave us a free ride home.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
he told me i could have the honorable privilege of being the second girl to have sex with him in his new apartment, what a gentleman.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
It was like in the Christmas carol when the guy pulls his robe back and 2 small children appear... except this time it was a massive scrotum
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
Just bumped into my ex. Blowing a dude in the ladies' room at Disney World. I guess it really was her not me.
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
I got kicked out of the E.R. for saying "balls".
Randomize
