Just applied online. Cant stop hiccupping. May be drunk. Hope they liked my smiley faces.
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I made a Russian puke. I outdrank a Russian. I am unstoppable.
He's moaning and crying and coughing up something audibly liquid. I can't live in this house any more.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He visits one Denver strip club and now hes moving there
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
There is a special place in hell for people who only eat the center of the pot brownies.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I just gave them my two week notice. Now is the perfect time to fuck my boss's son
I have hobbies that aren't destroying myself and others...i can make hats.....
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
You probably shouldn't do that...but if you do take pictures
Randomize
