yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
he came so fast he could have be employed at jimmy johns
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
Just because you were able to pour the entire bottle of wine into 2 glasses does not mean you took it easy last night.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just beer bonged. Soco and spite please get on my levvl my hair is in buns
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
we were at work and Infront of the whole bar you yelled. "JAKE I WANNA GET FUCKED TONIGHT!" Us day drinking > everyone else
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
Me and the cabbie are stopping on the way at a sit down restaurant to eat. My life is so sad.
Checked my photo vault today... My self nudie folder is passing the 150 mark.
The weird thing is that you don't send them to anyone. You just keep them for yourself...
So apparently, after 11 beers, 2 pitchers of sangria and 3 rhum & cokes, the idea of popping a load of MD and jumping on the trampoline, in the woods, in my underwear was the best one ever.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I’m so poor I’m filling a flask with vodka and bringing it to the bar.
Randomize
