ok shes still asleep, should i pee on her and say she did it herself? and by the time you respond to this ill probably have already made the decision
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
there are so many fish in the see you have left to fuck
You couldn't stand up so I took you home, took off your makeup, put you to bed then shaved off your eyebrows. I so nearly won the responsible adult prize.
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He came into your room last night to tell me he was leaving, when I woke up this morning he was facedown in your hallway. He didn't make it very far.
I'll keep you from getting pregnant and you keep my papers gramaticallly correct
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Not too bad but came home early cuz business was shut down due to an employee sexually harrassing the inspector
Just had a customer call his drug dealer in front of me but act like it was normal call.
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
