Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
Drinking Grey Goose on the toilet. Don't make me graduate.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Are you up yet? I really want to know if i tried sleeping in a field... i have the vaguest memory of trying to
Our first order of business as new roommates was to test the sex acoustics of our rooms. I need a new box spring.
I just bought the spice girls album. We will be doing music videos in the near future. You are our baby spice-- don't fight it
Let us ponder on the good times. Ya know when the Jonas brothers were incapable of growing facial hair and I didn't fully understand what a dick looks like
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
..needless to say, i got fired. But I'm in the parking lot tanning on top of your car... so its not all bad.
Stop thinking about me and go on your date... at least I got the glitter off your face first.
Randomize
