at some point when you're making out with the ex girlfriend of your ex fuck buddy who happens to be the ex boyfriend of the girl that you just got drunk with who was hitting on your current fuck buddy who is best friends with your ex boyfriend, it just hits you: oh my god i need to get out more and expand my social circle.
Did you rob me and blame it on the strippers?
The fire alarm went off at 3 am in the freshmen dorm. So guess which junior everyone now knows is hooking up with a freshman? This girl...
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
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