where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
Let me begin my 3 part apology by saying that you are a wonderful human being...
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
Aw don't be embarrassed. It was all good fun! We've all been there. You can't come to vegas and NOT get a little alcohol poisoning. That's like going to church and not praying.
In other news, I'm pretty sure my mom was encouraging me to have a threesome yesterday... I don't even want to start digging in that garden of horror and trauma.
Just wanted to say, I appreciate your bravery in having read receipts
So I have to masturbate in a hospital. I wonder what kind of porn they have.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
I don't know which is worse, the fact that his name is Kevin or the fact that he has a pornstache.
Randomize
