That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
No subtext here. People are naked.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
my bartender licked my nipple. never stay after hours
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
Apparently my downstairs neighbors don't much appreciate it when I do drunk aerobics at 3am on a Wednesday...
I woke up to the sound of gentle rain, only to realize I was laying under a urine trough in the men's restroom. Fuck you, bourbon. Fuck you.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
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