Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
good, we got high then went swimming. shelly forgot to keep swimming so we tied her to the ladder in the shallow part with her bikini top.
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
If you end up at a gay bar on a tuesday night in steelers pjs, does that mean youve hit rock bottom?
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
It was literally 8 o'clock in the morning. His horniness knows no bounds.
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Right as the plane left the gate the brownies kicked in. I dont think the guy next to me appreciated my engine noises as we took off
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
Can we start referring to attractive men as "A fine piece of dick?"
Nothing cures your heart after a boy calling you unattractive than a big fat dick
Randomize
