I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
you asked my brother if you could eat the cupcake that you found. you were showing him a baked potato
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
holy f. i broke my toe giving him head. how does that even happen!?
Randomize
