"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
If you start sounding at all like you're even remotely in love, expect a lecture on the merits of being a single woman with a vibrator.
This is why we're friends.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I woke up in a beaver hat and contruction vest.. I need answers.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
