note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I just signed a document stating that I would dd all summer if they would go pickup food.
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
If you're going to drink sriracha straight from the bottle whilst crying, at least wear the giant sombrero for the enjoyment of your audience.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like you can't just be like oh bb and THEN SEND ME A FUCKING PICTURE OF MY 8TH GRADE FAT SELF IN A TACO COSTUME
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
The amount of illegal things I've done this weekend is astounding.
She's like a squirrel. She spazzes out all the time.
Go shave, and then go fuck the man
YOU ARE SO CRUDE, I LOVE YOU
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