so they are in my phone as twin 1 and twin 2. but i forget which is which. did i put them in order of who I hooked up with first, or who is sexier? cause i'm not trying to text the one with the girlfriend
1st off, theyre identical. 2ndly, have i ever told you that youre a huge slut? hope that helps
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
I was trying to chase her off the carpet, but now there are figure-eights of cat vomit. everywhere
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
Randomize
