this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
You don't understand, Single Ladies is like the Don't Stop Believing of the gay community.
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
In conversation she brought up that she slept with Tucker Max on the UF football field
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
I have a half pound of weed, a case of beer, 8 frozen pizzas and a hard dick. You have a high tech super-bong and a chest of sex toys. That's our vacation week right there.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
I hope you get stoned and think that you're a seal in shark infested waters
I can't believe we really went to walgreens to use their cork opener, bounced and drank a bottle of wine in a sketchy corner...
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I was randomly pulled aside to have my bag checked. It had 50 condoms in it.
Randomize
