i'm gonna be such a cougar when i'm older...i just facebook stalked my little sister's 13 yr old boyfriend while drinking a bottle of wine....
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
She suggested that I come visit her in Europe and hook up with the heteroflexible Korean who sits next to her in class. Polylove is the best love.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
It's like they're playing jeopardy and the category is "things that make women dry."
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
All I remember is dance battling with a man named tom the entire time who kept buying me drinks so id say it was a success
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
All I want for my birthday to be fingered and eat pizza
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
I feel awkward having to tell people “sorry you can’t finger me because I will get a UTI and I don’t have health insurance”
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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