I think I speak chipmunk. Odd.
Are you high?
No. That's why it's odd
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
he drunkenly pissed himself on the deck, in the bathroom, and on my couch within the span of an hour
its like an avodart commercial...maybe he has a growing problem
Get everyone into the kitchen. I need you all to witness me friend-zoning him. Just in case.
Is there any chance I can see you without pouring vodka on your head?
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
Some kids in a school bus just saw me jacking off in my car. This is how 89% of children find out about sex.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
I think we've entered a low point in our relationship when I'm sending you pictures of pubic hair designs "because they're funny"
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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