I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
"The real world" DC house is on the corner of 20th and S. Wanna come with to check it out? It's my goal to be a blurred out face in their hot tub.
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
its like the voldemort of pregnancies, we don't talk about it
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
He smells so good today
Seriously, back away from the sexual harrasment suit.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I fell asleep while eating jimmy johns last night and then woke up at 5am and continued to eat it
We lost a person.... if you see a man in yellow shorts and nothing else walking around let me know...
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize
