Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
so I have this game called 14 beers left. and we both have to drink 7 before we leave
i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
at least 'blackout me' had enough sense to take the puke covered duvet off the comforter.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
as soon as I walked into work this morning, my boss called me out on my hangover, patted me on the back and said I'm getting time an a half for even showing up. Did I really look that bad this morning?
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
Sorry girl, my dick is like a rollercoaster. You only get a picture after you ride
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
Hahahaha yep. You were picking up the credit card machine and singing to it in Spanish.
Just got a motivational speech from the tacobell drive thru guy at 2am
Randomize
