Our house smells like week old pizza, beer cans, cigarettes, and depressing career tracks....get lysol.
I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
Your two fuck buddies playing ping pong together. HOW. ADORABLE!
in a last ditch attempt to make life awkward after i die today i want to be buried naked and have an open casket funeral.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So our night ended with 6 cruisers, a fire truck, and an ambulance. Also, lots of blood. How was yours?
i think i'm just going to start having sex with his brother, he's much hotter and it would definately be less illegal.
Randomize
