this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
Ask politely.
Fine. Can i please come over, hang out with you, sit around a campfire, smoke tree, listen to sublime, and fuck the shit out of you?
Thats good enough.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
Well we did eat French fries lady-and-the-tramp style last night...
Just followed a blind kid around for 20 minutes to see how awesome his guide dog was. And he was pretty fucking awesome
Anyway, it's clearly a shapeshifting vagina/AT-AT, which I never said I was SEXUALLY attracted to. Just that I liked it.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
