she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
I've realized that you're the only friend i can rely on to drink with me any given day. i thank you for that.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
i have one question about last night
if this is about your fridge being filled with hotdogs, sour cream, and PB&J open-faced sandwiches, i can explain
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
i just added a shot of fireball to my iced coffee. goodbye sobriety.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I threw up in a wendys bag in her car. when i went to throw it out the window it exploded all over me. No I don't think there will be a second date.
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