I just sneezed everywhere.....everywhere. Now no one will talk to me.
so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
He said "what's the haps". I don't know what the haps are but there goes his chances
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
If it meant we had chicks like that every weekend I would gay marry the shit out of you dude
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Randomize
