We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
dude i'm inner monologue high
You know you're true friends when you can talk about what sexual diseases you may or may not have.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I don't think he knows what shame means anymore. He gave some bar slut his sisters Tiffanys necklace, in exchange for anal.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
He will forever be known as the toe sucker who may or may not have been a father
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Randomize
