i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
i've never been more proud of someone than i was when he told me he got his first blowjob at age 13...from two chicks
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
There was a lot going on. It was easy to miss a 70 foot tall puppet.
I gave up yolo and cigarettes for lent. I owe god a sincere apology.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
The novelty of Nekkid Straight Roommate has faded.
On a side note...my DUI lawyer just snapchatted me. This is the exact moment in time when I realized my like IS a joke.
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
You tried to tip the Uber driver with a meatball sub. Then, when he refused your meatball sub...you demanded he take you to the corner with the hookers. The valet has your keys and water balloons. I'm glad you're only in Chicago for the weekend.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
Its a good night when you get to makeout with a cowboy
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
Randomize
