Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pretty sure that he just gave me the ginger disease
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
I'm going to start giving girls scratch off lottery tickets when they leave my place in the am. That way they have a chance of not regretting the night before
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Happy Thanksgiving! Hope its not too awkward that your dad and your boyfriend are the same age.
I mean, the sex was awesome last weekend, but I didn't even imagine I'd reached ovarian rupture status.
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
They came over the loud speaker and said "no laying on the dance floor.." I thought i was dancing, but apparently that's just the way it started out.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
You don't come back from leaving a bag of shit on someone's counter Jill
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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