btw, but what hole was i in last night? wanna know if i have to worry
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All I can think about is getting a lawsuit and chocolate
I just found my coat check number in my underwear.
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
She whispered into my eat that she wanted me to fuck her while her parrot watched...
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
Hey, ok if I kidnap you? I wanna test a theory.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
He showed up riding a bike blasting the ghostbusters theme song. His name was Lasercat. Im in love.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
Im 76 percent sure I took a fully clothed shower last night.
Randomize
