I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
If i pass out for a while at graduation, please atleast TRY to wake me?
nah, they dropped the charges. apparently ripping his junk when he tried to hop the fence seemed like punishment enough...
You know what it feels like? It feels like I'm in that prison from the dark knight rises. That's what being a virgin in college feels like.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
I called to inform you I may or may not be getting laid tonight ...
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
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