It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
We sang "Whole New World" in harmony and he spun me around. You may now barf from the cuteness.
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
I completely forgot about the posting of partying pics shortly after adding my gma my dad was like grandma says your all over fb but she doesn't know how to use it. Of course I'm all over her fb. She's got 6 friends I am her newsfeed
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
I just want an early 40-something dude who is vaguely unencumbered, professionally driven and wants to put me in a ball gag.
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
He sided with his father, so I slashed his tires. I’d say that’s a fair trade.
Randomize
