dude on moped wearing crocs...somebody get this guy his man card back
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I feel like i made up for not being able to drink on St Pattys Day, Mardi Gras, and last years Cinco De Mayo. That hungover.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
Where are you? I hear fireworks and you've gone missing. I'm sure that is not coincidence.
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
He used Kanye West lyrics to justify what happened and I accepted his logic
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
It’s just hard to believe you really care about me when u haven’t touched my dick in 2 months
She super glued his penis to his testicles. And shaved off a good portion of his hair after he passed out at the party.
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