Come home. Im drunk and cutting my own hair. This is bad, i need you.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
dont touch anything in my room. If its phallus shaped, i can almost guarantee its been in my vagina.
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I just sent him 3 long ass texts about how to tell a girl how he feels. I should get a fucking friend zone medal.
I will make you one.
Good. It needs "forever alone" engraved on it
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
It's the 30 sec rule.... the worst that could happen is I could die
Okay, new plan. Get drunk, eat breadsticks. It's going to be great.
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
We were supposed fuck one time, but ended up fucking for 2 years.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
The heart wants what the heart wants, and once again it’s a guy with brown hair, wears a chain, and has a nicotine addiction.
Randomize
