Bigbird is at the bar Im at. whats her name
Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
there are definitely too many half naked pictures of me out there for me to ever be famous.
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
Please fuck him. And then let me tell her. And then let me protect you from the knife she pulls from her Ed Hardy purse. Please.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
This guy is trying to get me to do some acrobatic gymnast shit just so he can see "my tight hole." I'm too big to be sweating in my own damn bed. Shittttt.
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
listen. i haven't sucked a dick in well over three years but i believe in myself.
I know it's New Year's Eve but if you're going to have a bunch of chicks playing strip go fish in our apartment I need a heads up.
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