I hate it when hot girls behave. It's so anticlimactic
birth control should be required to get into college
dude, seriously he just sucked the milk out of the dogs breast and swallowed it... for $20, wtf....?
I made a google map for "places I got blow jobs"
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
We officially wrote our house rules 1. We do not waste alcohol 2. Pinky promises mean something 3. Don't leave your facebook open, and if you do, don't complain 4. Never refuse cuddle or catch phrase
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
Last time he went to Europe, every time he started drinking he would wake up in a different country with no memory. There is no way he can be tour leader.
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
Crying in Target on a display sofa is normal, right? Asking for a friend.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
Randomize
