i just realized Britney Spears and I are more alike than I thought. Both of us have our parents in complete control of our lives, we both have restraining orders on previous boyfriends, and we all know both of us can put on a hell of a show
She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
he doesn't have near as many excuses as you..and his are usually pretty legit. like "i'm having a baby." that's pretty legit.
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
We drove past his house blaring "Like a virgin" in the middle of the day. pretty sure he heard.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
I just ate beer and cupcakes for breakfast.... maybe this fourth of july won't be so bad
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Why is there a slipper full of piss in my bedroom?
he's 22 and listens to dad music. if i hear one more modest mouse song i'll never blow him again
my comprehension of H.D. Thoreau really dives after 8 beers.....
It will astound me if they ever let you graduate.
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
