So instead of cumming in her, I peed in her...
What did she do!?
I didn't tell her...
He went so fast i didnt even have time to pretend like i was about to have a fake orgasim
I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
puking up blue gatorade is not as nearly as much fun as it sounds
We couldn't even have sex we were both laughing so hard. I don't know how I feel about the quality of that weed.
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
She just texted me that she's horny, then started quoted random music, then telling me everything she regrets. I don't think there's enough tequila in the world for me to deal with her...
He must've been a bear in a previous life. My nipple is bleeding. Shit's sensitive.
HOW DO YOU FORGET TO FINISH WINE
- I'm finally learning to be functional when I'm high. I feel like this is a milestone.
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Randomize
