I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
i just met rob pattinson in italy. he's so stupid, i feel like i would have to say "your penis goes here!"
He said I came instead of I'm coming. I wonder if he noticed my state of confusion when I stopped blowing him.
Wasn't he an English major?
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Slept in my car last night. It snowed. I peed on the street. Hello 29...
my pupils became my eyes and i slept with a cloth in my mouth again
Try to make ecstasy cheese. Capitalize on the molly and greek yogurt trends. MARKETING
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
Did I put a bunch of spaghetti on you and then eat it off?!?
That you did
I've never known a porn star before
There's not even an emoji for this
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
Randomize
