Yea I just took my 1st pregnancy test. Turns out I am just fat. Also I haven't been with anyone in 3 months, which is clearly making me crazy.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
we're doing beer bongs from the windmill...epic
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
I mean turning down birthday sex is never the answer
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
him and the cab driver we buy e from got into a fist fight, about which show is better, futurama or family guy.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Let it be known that on this day, the 26th of October, in the year 2016, I successfully put both of his balls in my mouth at once.
Fuck twitter. Fuck men. Fuck bras. Fuck flip flops. Fuck makeup. Fuck perfume.
Randomize
