I need hand sanitizer and jesus.
wanna get hammered and throw tomatoes at the people standing in line for the midnight showing of harry potter and yell whichcraft is evil
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Dad says your scarf isnt fooling anyone and u look like a douchebag, its literally the perfect time to tell him your gay
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
She hash-tagged my name. I think it's safe to say that she remembers our hookup.
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Today's hangover is probably top 3 of all time. Just threw up in an envelope. I'm on the ferry and didn't want to get out to puke over the side because I thought I might fall in the river.
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
Everyone thinks it's an okay idea now until I'm overdoing it on the vodka/clubs, dancing on a table, trying to make out with the groom.
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
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