Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
just woke up in my car, in front of the bar. Took me 10 minutes to find my keys which were about 10 yards away in a bush. According to my phone records, I called my ex 14 times last night. Breakfast?
Time to do stuff I know I'll have to hide from my grandkids one day and everyone at next weekends wedding.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
After what was supposed to be a one night stand I woke up to a message in my room wall written in marker "Kaitlin got it on in here" definitely a cock block down the road
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
Ways to ruin a one night stand: the guy finds your parenting magazine on your dorm room desk.
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Oh Jesus our whore days are numbered
I think drunk me is trying to kill me.
how soon in a friendship can you start calling them a motherfucker
Randomize
