you threw up in someones recycling bin and left a note apologizing. how drunk do you think you were?!
I've drank myself into a smaller pants size. Who ever said alcoholism was unhealthy was mistaken.
I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
You were sad because he was "taking it out on the plant"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
And if it ever comes down to tax or healthcare benefits we can get married
That's the sweetest thing I've ever heard
He's like... An octopus that touches my vagina in all these diff ways at the right times. It's almost unsettling
Putting plan B on my parents credit card wasn't the smartest idea
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
Randomize
