My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
She jerked me off while she drove us back from Denver going 70mph. It was both the scariest and most erotic moment of my life.
Yeah I'm gunna date him. I figure its regular sex and maybe feelings will come in time...it worked for arranged marriages...
Literally been drinking for 10 hours. Hammered. Roasted chestnuts fell out of my shirt earlier.
I just sat through a State Farm mortgage Insurance commercial to watch a Trick Daddy video. Is this the target audience they are going for here?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He unbuckled his belt, tipped his hat at me, then told me to "saddle up"
this is like your 5th cowboy right? where do you keep finding these guys?!!
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
So I sent him a snap of me half naked holding a pie last night.
How the hell do you misplace a bag of tacos in a closet?
What the hell happened to the sandwich meat I just bought?
After you smoked, you made 8 ham sandwiches.
Guess that explains the mysterious disappearance of the bread...
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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