Nothings more american than taking a shit with a handgun next to you.
sperm doesn't mix with malibu too well
Umm you don't wanna know how many "I'm sorry for calling you last night" fb wallposts I just had to write...
i saw a stretcher and literally ran around for 10 minutes telling people it wasnt for me
He just got home drunk. He ate 5 snack cakes, said Little Debbie's his bitch, went upstairs and fell asleep.
He told me that if his bed could talk, it'd write a medical journal. Guess it's too late to worry about that now.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
I legit just quacked out loud at a duck on campus. Realized after that there were people around me, they looked at me funny...
my mom asked me why i was covered in scratches, blood, and dirt this morning..i answered "i was planking obviously" and walked away
Randomize
