maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
You know the @ sign on twitter? i wish there was one of those in real life so that the smokin' hot guy at the bar would know the slutty unbuttoning of my shirt was directed @ him, not @ his friend who looks like Mickey Rourke post-face melting
i hate always having to make my eye shadow look really good since my eyes always end up closed by the end of the night in pics
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
Hes drunk and dancing naked. I can hear his dick smacking his legs from the next room.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
I normally need adult supervision or a babysitter, but I refuse to let someone keep me from making irresponsible and wrong decisions at the bar on my last bday ill ever have in texas
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Your headphones are on the door knob and I left you a burger on the door step.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
Randomize
