I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
First night sober since New Years. I'm not sure what hurts more, the hangover or the credit dread when I find out what the tickets to Bali actually cost.
I don't care how great the sex was, I cannot unsee what has been seen. I regret ever stalking his Facebook.
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
My roommate just woke up to me masturbating in our room. I figured this would happen eventually.
Randomize
