how was that guy you hooked up with?
i used to think blowing a .05 was a good thing
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
i woke up and my collection of plastic neon wayfarers were half-melted in the microwave. my drunk self hates my hipster self
He just said "Chunky" very loudly in his sleep.
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Things I just found under my covers: protein bar, string cheese, vibrator.
That's the best thing about having gay dads, you don't gotta do shit on mothers da and everybody is down wit getting wasted on mimosas at brunch
Worst date ever. Bro she asked when we can start having kids because her clock was ticking.
Run dude. Just run
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
It's almost 5am and all I can keep thinking is IT'S WHISKEY TIME!!
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
she wants homewrecking advice
are you gonna teach her your ways?
obvs. i'm like her yoda.
Campus scavenger hunt! and by scavenger hunt I mean all the pharmacies are sold out of Plan B.
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
Randomize
