I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
Her little brother was home, so we had to hook up while playing hide and seek with him
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
this is never going to happen for me, I think he thinks I'm crazy
well you did scream "PLEASE! I'LL S YOUR D IN FRONT OF EVERYONE"
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
No foreplay. Missionary. Too quick. And he owns a fedora.
I almost fell asleep reading that.
I almost fell asleep fucking it.
I also made him write a nonfiction romance novel about what happened and to give it to me when the time was right
third nipple confirmed
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
last night I used snow as a chaser
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
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