I was just standing there and then BOOM! She was attacking my face with her mouth.
I don't get it, man. She treated me like a sexual predator but treated you like a piece of meat.
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
The bridesmaids just went smackdown on the floor, over the bouquet. I saw nipple. Best wedding ever
at least franzia made me throw up pretty colors.
He just pushed one of his testicles up into his stomach and called himself lance armstrong. I can't make this shit up.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
They have a stripper pole on their deck. Normal.
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
When I die I just want my headstone to my name, date of birth-death, and TEQUILA!!
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
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