Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
The least you could do before I go into your room is throw away the condom wrapper from the other girl I know you're banging.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
You're wonderful. How are you always such a good friend?
50% genetics, 50% driven by a desire for people to drunkenly eat donuts at my funeral and then have fantastic cry-sex afterward.
I find it fascinating that she'd be more comfortable with her mom finding out she submits dirty disney confessions on tumblr than about her secret email account she uses to chat with dutch and brazilian strangers.
You were hitting on girls while wearing the banana suit. When they rejected you you yelled "I gotta split anyway."
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Randomize
